Rule #1 - Avoid developing bitterness and resentment for each other. Bitterness and resentment develop when one person feels they are unfairly carrying the burden of the relationship.

This occurs because men and women have different scoring systems. Men score bunches for what they do, women score on a point by point basis. Lets say the husband takes out the trash, he may score himself 100 points. But the wife on the other hand, scores it one point. Suddenly there is a large offset in points and the man feels like he is way ahead, so he is hanging out on the couch vegetating, thinking that he is giving time for his wife to catch up. In the meantime the female spouse takes out food from the freezer to defrost, (1 point), suggests he barbecue for dinner, (1 point), and then puts a load of clothes in the washer, (1 point). So the man may see this as 100 to 3 in his favor, but the woman sees it 3 to 1 in her favor.

Women respond the same way to small acts of kindness as they do to large acts of kindness. Men think they have to do something extravagant to make an impression, that is has to be something large, something special. Men may tend to make big deals of special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, and valentine's day thinking that if they do something real fancy and really special it only needs to be occasional. This does not work because the woman scores the same single point for each act of kindness. The little acts of kindness mean just as much to women as the large ones.

Guys get this, most women would prefer to have 1 rose 12 times than to have 12 roses 1 time. 1 rose equals 1 point, 12 roses equals 1 point. Now many men may not find this very efficient, but if you love someone you will seek to meet their emotional needs. If a man continues with simple acts of kindness he will keep his wife in love with him for their entire lives. So men please consider this, clear off the table when your done eating, (1 point), make the bed, (1 point), leave a loving posty note on the mirror, (1 point).

Now men if you want to score efficient points, plan something for the two of you, get a baby sitter for the kids, make all of the necessary plans and then tell her the plans. Once you have told her the plans, (1 point), and you have not even gone out yet. She will then in turn tell all her girlfriends about your plans and every time she tells this story, (1 point), now that's efficient!

Gentlemen you need to also engage your wife in significant conversation, this is a meaningful way to not only express your love for her, but also to meet her emotional needs, (for a lot of women this means they talk and you listen). You can not just drift off into some distant land here, show your love by paying attention. Don't try to give her the fixes for the things she is talking about. She does not want the fixes, she wants the quality time with you. So continue to acknowledge what she is saying and ask her about her comments in manners which show that you care about her feelings. Like, "how does that make you feel"? Each time you do, (1 point).


Ladies, men are more simple to score points with, the act of love making is high on their list. But, you need to stand by him, showing him and letting him know that you believe in him. Most men have fragile ego's, so if you say to a man "that will never work, that's stupid", you have just caused major damage to your relationship. Many women think, for some reason, that they are sent by God to humble their man, wrong! Most men do not handle criticism and rejection very well, especially coming from the most important person in their lives. Your words need to be edifying and encouraging, you need to show your love by being supportive, by speaking words of affirmation. And even if something does not work out, you need to continue to be the same. When your male partner tries to share his dreams with you and you crush them with degrading unsupportive comments, you injure your relationship, big time! WHY? Because you have just shown your husband that he can not share his dreams with you. If your husband is not telling you his dreams, consider that a major red flag! It's time for you to talk on a serious level with him to recover what you have damaged. Remember ladies you want him to listen and be attentive to your needs, you also need to be there for his.

Most extramarital affairs do not begin for sexual reasons, they begin for emotional ones. In short time Lucy on the spot shows up somewhere in his life telling him what great ideas he has. Suddenly his emotional needs are being met again, but not by his wife. Some women of professional men really battle with this. They get tired of hearing people praise their husbands. If you find yourself to be struggling with this you should consider praying to God and asking Him to help you discover what it is about you, that makes you exhibit feelings like that.


The key to your relationships success is knowing that neither of you are perfect, you are both going to make mistakes, you are both going to hurt each other, and therefore you will need to forgive one anothers imperfections. Much of the time people react in adverse manners to the pain that others have caused them, they get bitter instead of getting better. They want those who they feel hurt them to pain. The problem is that the only one it hurts is the one who does not forgive. Unforgiveness is like taking poison and then hoping that the other guy will die. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". Forgiveness is an act, it is not an emotion, it has nothing to do with your emotions. You may feel the pain from what that person did to you until the day you die, it has nothing to do with forgiveness. Forgiving does not erase your memory.

If you truly love someone then you will forgive them out of your love for them, love is sacrificial. I Love You is an outward expression. Forgiveness is when you say; "I forgive you, I will never speak of it again, to you or to anyone else". Forgiveness has more to do with your tongue than your head or your heart. If you're still talking about it, you have not forgiven it, you need to let it go.

When you hurt one another, be humble enough to recognize your mistakes and make every effort to earnestly apologize, and then show that you mean it by your actions.

Love Is Otherness

Saving Your Marriage

Finding A Marriage Partner

Communicating In Your Relationship

The Sea And The Rocks Love Embrace